Hello everyone. I had a lovely Christmas at my Mom's house. It was a little odd being away from my computer for a whole week and even though my niece and nephew brought laptops and found a neighbor's open wireless network, I resisted the urge to check in electronically. My resolve was due in part to my plan to give consideration to the let each part of your business have its time part of my Order virtue. I intended that the Christmas week be spent enJOYing my family and that is exactly what happened. It has been a long time since we had several uninterrupted and unplanned days together and while we all appreciated it, Jessie was entirely estactic to spend so much time with her cousins, aunts, uncle and Nonnie.
As the new year approaches, I feel I am in a good postition to really think about and potentially set up how I want the year to unfold. We are done with moving and have done all the traveling we intend to do for a while so our activity and social calendar is wide open; a perfect way to start the year! I will begin with finding some new activities for Jessie and I to enjoy together and also to check out some pre-schools, since Jessie is eager to start "school" later this year.
When I started this project I never realized what a commitment it would turn out to be to keep blogging and keep creating what I plan to do to encourage each of my virtues. I really have enjoyed the sense of purpose it has provided me and I am finding the journey very fulfilling. I do, however, find myself interested in turning things up a notch... what exactly that means is yet to unfold but as I begin planning, I am working on paying attention to ALL AREAS of my life and doing my best to insure that every part has it's time!
ORDER - Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
Ah, what a delight to find myself here at the start of the new year! This time around the Order trenches I plan to concentrate more fully on the let each part of your business have its time part of my definition. As some of you may recall, the first time out I was getting ready to move when Order came to town. Three months later I am very much at home in my new place.
I'll be back "LIVE and IN PERSON" later this week but until then I will leave you with a rebroadcast of my first ORDER week Post:
*** Re-post from September 29, 2009 ***
It really worked out great to have this end up the week I am moving. I would love to admit some great planning on my part but I put my list together and the sequence just sort of stuck. As I mentioned in my post about the distinctions of Bliss I was certain this belonged on my virtues list because I could palpably recall feeling blissful when I succeeded in bringing something that previously was in disarray to its proper, orderly state. I've never been very good at keeping things in that state, ask anyone who has ever had to live with me! It is something I'd like to be better at maintaining, but just reaching ORDER from time to time is wholly blissful.
Ben Franklin had this to say in his Autobiography about order after a lifetime of study: "In truth, I found myself incorrigible with respect to Order; and now I am grown old, and my memory bad, I feel very sensibly the want of it. But, on the whole, tho' I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavour, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it..." So like Ben, I hope to be a better and happier person for attempting it!
One of the exciting parts about moving into a new house is you have a very clean slate. We won't have any bad habits, yet, about dropping coats on the back of this or that chair so it is possible to start a habit of putting things in the coat closet. We also get to decide where everything actually belongs. I have always ended up with a "junk drawer" but in this last house I actually have two! Check out photo:
I really hope I can avoid this this time around!
This week's "Bliss Initiatives" are color coded in purple for quick identification. They are concrete things that you too can try, if you want to play along with me. However, because as Earl Nightingale says, "you become what you think about," even if you only follow along, and never take on any of thebliss initiatives, I expect some positive results. I will be exploring and encouraging ORDER this way:
Field work - In my case, this will be simple. I will be packing and unpacking in a way that leaves me with a organized new home by the end of the week! LOL "Simple" -- well, simple in that I will be doing it. How it actually goes will be an entirely different matter. I will, no matter what, be keeping you posted! For those of you who won't be moving, I recommend picking one thing (a junk drawer, closet, or desk) or one place (the garage, office, kitchen) that would bring you the most pleasure to have organized and bring that thing to order. If you succeed in getting one thing the way you like it start on the next!
Bliss work - This one is good for everyone no matter how organized you already are or aspire to be. Each day I will be giving at least one thing away. Less is more and we have way too much stuff. It is a great feeling when one frees themselves from the burden of their stuff and then to know that someone else could benefit makes the whole process highly addictive! If you like how this feels you may even want to consider the 29 day Giving Challenge.
Cami Walker, founder of the wonderful 29 day Giving Challenge said this about giving things away "I want to notice what happens in my life if I focus my energy on giving ... What space will it create in my life for new and unexpected things to occur? What shifts will I see in my thinking and behavior as a result? What impact will my gifts have on others? These are just a few of the questions I'm curious about. Who knows what will unfold?
Nothing is planned. I don't know what I'll give away each day. I just begin the day and when I feel moved to give something, I do. This really goes against my control freak nature, but taking contrary action is sometimes needed to create change. Part of me initially wanted to plot out the... days and line up the things I'm giving in my hallway so I have the illusion of knowing what to expect. But collapsing into that old, manipulative way of being would defeat the purpose of the experiment."
Get in the mood for order - This is a really fun one. To figure out just what is important to me I am going to leaf through magazines like REAL SIMPLE, PARENTING, OPRAH and figure out what organizational tools I want to use and activities I want on our family calendar. I will be creating a new vision board (see photo of the one currently hanging in our house - which helped us with finding the house we would later buy!) to foster the new organized way into existence.
JOY - A source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something exceptionally festive or satisfying.
Here is a little stroll down the Joy memory lane. This is a complete list of my posts about Joy the last time out. Start from the top to proceed in time order or pick what sounds interesting. If you have the time this week, there are a few good insights awaiting you!
JOY - A source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something exceptionally festive or satisfying.
*** This is a re-post from September 26, 2009 ***
I really like Earl Henslin's term "Joy Bosters." It clearly sums up what I want to offer in this post. I will be telling you about a few of my favorites both from "This is your Brain on Joy" as well as from other sources. Whenever you feel that joy might be lacking and/or you want to encourage more, refer to this post for a quick joy pick me up!
MUSIC
This is a universal choice. Music has the power to evoke strong feelings and reactions so use this power. to increase joy in your life. Dr Henslin recommends putting together a CD or ipod play list of music that makes you happy. Gather this array of songs and keep it handy for when ever you need a little jolt of joy. The entire process of collecting a joy library will in itself produce a lot of joy.
I have never been someone that has paid a lot of attention, at least consciously, to smell. I don't wear perfume, I wash with unscented soaps and generally shy away from anything I deem too smelly. However as I learned from "This is Your Brain on Joy" smells "hit the brain first" and can be VERY powerful, if used properly, for imparting joy. We've probably all heard how the smell of apple pie and/or some other baked good contributes to a sense of well being and often reminds a person of home. The website AromaWeb.com has very detailed information on how to safely use this valuable tool. They even have a complete Aromatherapy Recipe Box which includes an entire batch of Aromatherapy to increase joy preparations.
EXCERCISE AND NUTRITION
I'm not going to say a lot about this. Get up and move your body. Take a walk, run, bike ride. Do something that gets the blood pumping. The endorphins, your self made joy drugs, are there for your taking!
Eat Joyfully! Consult the following sources as reccommended in "This is your Brain on Joy:" Dr. Daniel Amen's books, "The mood cure" by Julia Ross and Nina Planck's "Real Food." All can guide you to foods that contribute to good brain health. When you eat this way, you can't help but feel more joyful and you will be on your way to being healthier too!
HUMOR
Laughter is the jam on the toast of life. It adds flavor, keeps it from being too dry, and makes it easier to swallow.
— Diane Johnson quoted in Zen Soup by Laurence G. Boldt
Dr. Henslin says, "people who maintain a sense of humor out live those who don't" and recommends laughing at yourself once a day. Humor can be practiced and learned.
BEHOLDING BEAUTY
Direct from "This is your Brain on Joy" Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.—Anne Frank
"If little Anne Frank, hiding from the Nazis, could find pockets of beauty in her limited world, then surely we can upsize our ability to look for and absorb the beauty around us that brings an inner smile."
Visit a museum, leaf through coffee table books with beautiful photos of your liking, send yourself flowers, visit a garden, go window shopping, look at the stars ( here is the amazing Hubble telescope gallery) etc. etc. Beauty is everywhere. Be conscious and on the look out for it and you will have more joy in your life!
Since I am moving into my new house next week this tidbit, also from "This is your Brain on Joy," is particularly encouraging to me: "Rearranging or decorating is a pleasureable mental and physical excercise that packs a punch in increasing your daily joy quotient."
LEARN SOMETHING NEW
This is my most satisfying Joy Booster. I am always happy when I am learning something. Dr. Henslin suggests, "Write down all the things you'd love to do before you die." The Spirituality & Practice website recommends watching the film The Bucket List. After doing these things, get to work! Try doing one new thing a month or anytime you need a little jolt of happiness. You will be feeling Joyful in no time!
JOY - A source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something exceptionally festive or satisfying.
Welcome to the second installment of JOY in my little experiment. As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I will be recycling some of my material while I enjoy a week away from my computer at my mom's house for Christmas. I will add another JOY week at the end of my experiment if I feel additional concentration is needed (and who knows I just might continue indefinitely!) I do so, for those of you who are playing along and I hope that even reviewers find the information useful.
This time around I will be fostering JOY in two ways:
Carry a pocket charm - I fully expect that I will forget about this game as I navigate through my daily life. I will carry this small totem around with me, and as I happen upon it, I will be reminded that I am focusing on JOY. I found this small pewter stone with the word joy engraved on it but any small pocket sized item can work for you as long as you associate it with this project.
Create joyful memories - The holidays are about connecting with family and friends and that is what I will be doing. I wish you and yours all the best for the season and I look forward to sharing more Everyday Bliss with you in the coming year.
Last time around I went about exploring and encouraging JOY this way, if you have some additional time and want a more concentrated study of Joy try taking a few things from this list on:
Study - I was poking around the internet, considering the Practice of Joy as a spiritual endeavor, and read the book "This is Your Brain on Joy" by Dr. Earl Henslin -- To play along, conduct your own study of JOY or click on the links I've provided to do what I did.
Field work - Each day do at least one thing from Daphna Caperonis' terrific list of 50 ways to find Joy. Click here, even if you have no plans to do anything from her list. Just considering it is a joyous experience!
Get in the mood for Joy - Watch this very short (less then 5 minutes!) Finding Joy Movie which is a nice, meditative way to begin any JOY filled day. If time during the week permits, I will also watch one of these feature Films on Joy.
SURPRISE - A sudden feeling of wonder or astonishment; to come upon or discover suddenly and unexpectedly. [Surprise week starts here. Click here for Bliss Initatives.]
Surprise! I'm breaking my self imposed rule to start blogging about the new topic on Monday. Actually I'm going to blog about all of the topics! Yesterday marked the end of my 13 week cycle covering each of my Bliss Virtues. I thought it would be interesting to create a "Bliss Composite" to review my success thus far. As you know I have created a very subjective Ten point scale and at the end of each week I assign a score. I put the following graph together to represent this:
It is fun looking at it this way. I figure that the graph as a whole represents an increase of Bliss overall, although I didn't actually graph my subjective view of Bliss as a whole. Concentrating on Bliss has definitely increased my experience of it but it has been mitigated somewhat with the pressure I've added to my life to keep the blog going and my wish to give each bliss virtue its "proper consideration" each week.
As I look at the weaker virtues in my pie chart, I am clear that proper consideration was a factor in most of them. The only exception I will cite is Serenity. I feel I was giving Serenity Week a lot of consideration but I just didn't get in the swing of it. A factor of Bliss for certain but certainly a bit more allusive for me.
I love that Whimsy and Romance scored so high, but frankly I find those aspects easy. They are very ACTIVE and even if I'm not feeling like it, as was the case initially with Romance, just getting into action kick starts things for me. Perhaps the key is to find the "Kick Start" for the virtues. I will look at that during the next cycle!
As I look at starting the cycle again, I am glad that I am covering familiar territory with JOY. I will not be able to blog (without severely disrupting the Christmas trip at my mom's house) but I will be able to practice JOY! Once again my virtues are landing on picture perfect weeks as if I designed it! Fabulous! I have decided to reuse some of my old material to help inspire you in my absence. I will compensate by adding an additional week of Joy to my game at the end of the year, if I think it is needed for that proper consideration I am seeking!
SURPRISE - A sudden feeling of wonder or astonishment; to come upon or discover suddenly and unexpectedly. [Surprise week starts here. Click here for Bliss Initatives.]
Wow! This surprising week has flown by! I really expected to have a lot more time to blog but I totally underestimated the amount of time surprise actually takes! I have been furiously working on a surprise for my mom. A photo book to recap the year with Jessie. My mom doesn't use a computer and has not had access to my cute facebook updates about Jessie so I have tried to do a little book "blog" for her about Jessie. I keep a private blog separate from Everyday Bliss about Jessie and I really wanted my mom to have a taste of what that is all about. Perhaps it will inspire her to get connected and if not she will have a nice little keepsake about this year!
SURPRISE - A sudden feeling of wonder or astonishment; to come upon or discover suddenly and unexpectedly. [Surprise week starts here. Click here for Bliss Initatives.]
When I was in high school my best friend spent a year as an exchange student in Norway. When she returned to the states she brought with her this folding cardboard game which had a very surprising element to it. You would place three cards next to each other and count the elves on the cards, there were 12 total I believe, but if you put the cards in a different order there were only 11 elves. It was boggling and no matter how closely we examined it, held our fingers on specific elves as we were moving the cards around, we could never figure it out. It was ALWAYS surprising.
I have that same kind of fascination for surprising science experiments.
One I remember from middle school was shocking. You would talk about milk. Discuss whether you liked it. What it felt like when you drank it, what it tasted like etc. Then you would be blindfolded and told that you were drinking milk but instead you were actually given orange juice. Half the kids would spit the orange juice right out it tasted so odd when compared to the milk you were expecting. The surprise of drinking something different then you are expecting is ALWAYS surprising even when you know what is happening. Similarly, no matter how many times I watch the video below it surprises me. It doesn't matter that I now understand why it happens, it still surprises me.
I love this kind of surprise! I am fascinated with things that befuddle the experts and really delight in the fact that we humans still know very little. Illusion and magic are surprising in their particular way but I am personally more interested in surprising reality!
I've been living this week's virtue even if I haven't been blogging about it. When SURPRISE decided to surprise me and become a virtue in my game (refer to this post for clarification) I have to admit I was primarily concerning myself with good surprises. You know the kind that one plans and springs on others, for their enjoyment but even more so makes one personally happy to pull it off. I'm actually pretty good at that type and have a nice history of fun surprises that I've managed to bring about for my family and friends. I was also delighted to find surprise week landing right in the middle of my Christmas preparations! What could be more perfect?
Of course I wasn't expecting the surprise of intermittant internet service or unnapping daughters or husbands who want to extend vacations and NOT do any computer things... or the surprise of losing my cell phone and luggage that was $125.00 over weight on the way back from Hawaii... these are all surprises too! I am happy to remember that surprise require us to think out of the box. Research for surprise coming from my life and not from extensive googling. Surprise requiring me to work on my feet and redistribute the extra weight into other bags while in a busy check-in line. The surprise of Jessie staying awake and needing to keep her busy for 5+ hours in a small seat on the plane and the discovery that we can enjoy hours of paper dolls, books and finger puppets together.
Good surprises certainly are cause for joy (and an excellent prelude to next week's virtue!) and noticing them can make even ordinary things special. Like the surprise that the mail that was put on hold was actually kept on hold the way you requested. The surprise hug from Jessie accompanied by a "I love you so much mommy" and/or "Yay!! We are a family." The surprise that at 46 I can still get carded in a bar (which happened on the way home from Hawaii at the Airport bar) and most especially the surprise that my cell phone was in the cute cell phone spot in my suitcase and not on the dresser at the hotel of which I was certain!
As I think you know by now, my 12 month game is based loosely on Ben Franklin's weekly focus on each of his 13 virtues. I have chosen virtues that I believe will encourage Everyday Bliss. In addition to focusing on my virtues, I will be coming up with "Bliss Initiatives" (color coded in purple for quick identification!) which are concrete things that you too can try, if you want to play along with me. However, because as Earl Nightingale says, "you become what you think about," even if you only follow along, and never take on any of thebliss initiatives, I expect some positive results. This week I will be fostering SURPRISE in the following ways!
Use "bad" surprises as a prompt for creativity. Look for the silver lining in the things that I don't like and be surprised by my ability to adapt!
Create fun holiday surprises for my family and friends. This is a no-brainer for this time of year but still it is a perfect expression for this week's virtue. I will endeavor to up the ante and do some VERY surprising things... I'll keep you posted on this one!
Look for small surprises. I intend to be delighted by sunsets and sunrises. Find enjoyment from a wild bird who happens to pause on my lawn. Notice when my family tells me that they love me or when Rob's kisses or hugs linger a bit longer then usual. If you are playing along with me, see what you can allow yourself to be surprised and inspired about!
Surprise week will begin in earnest on Wednesday! Meanwhile muse on what surprises you have most enjoyed in your life and consider planning some new ones!
I did not realize how prophetic the "Loosen expectations" Bliss Inititaive would be! My internet connection here at the hotel has been very hit or miss so I have found it quite difficult to do the type of research I usually do when preparing my posts. I have had to walk around the hotel looking for a signal when I want to load a page and I have been leaning over my balcony in bizare contortions when I was "so close" to getting what I wanted, but I wasn't prepared for losing an entire post!
I have been considering Ben Franklin's "imitate Jesus and Socrates" and realized that in order to to really get at the heart of the matter I would need some considerable study of both Jesus and Socrates. The post I lost was a begining to that inquiry and since beaches and a two year old are calling, I will not have the time to recreate what I had written I have decided to leave you with the conclusions of a blogger named Ron who blogs over at Window or Mirror. His point of view is very different from mine but even so I have found his post about Ben Franklin's Humility spot on! Here is an excerpt. Follow the link I provided for the excellent complete post.
Franklin’s advice is simple and direct – imitate two people who were known to have the virtue of humility. The quotes suggest some of the qualities of humility; respect for your position in the Universe, self-effacing humor, treating yourself as you’d have others treat you, and so forth. In order to get Franklin’s point, we’ll have to take a look at the lives of both Socrates and Christ.
He (Socrates) declared that he knew nothing, except the fact of his ignorance (Diogenes Laërtius). In the writings of Plato, we see that his teacher, Socrates, was indeed aware that he was a very small cog in a vast machine. Executed for suggesting that the world was larger than it was seen at that time, Socrates lived a life of humility. Socrates knew that he could live a good life, and study always, and that in the Universe these accomplishments would still mean almost nothing. He knew his limits and influenced others through quiet reflections on reality more than have the most voluble orators.
Christ, believed to be the Son of God by Christians, lived a life that defined the term humility. Leaving heaven as the Creator, He arrived in Bethlehem in a feed trough for domesticated animals. Regardless your belief in the supernatural events in Christ’s life, there can be gained a good picture of humility. Born to a young mother and a carpenter father, He worked hard and learned much. His life and composed attitude, even in death, set the Perfect standard for each of us. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Phil 2:3-5 NIV).
Thank you for your concise take on Socrates and Jesus' humilty Ron! I will revisit my own thoughts in a later post, most likely when I revisit this topic again in 13 weeks.
I've realized that my two year old, Jessie, is a remarkable teacher when it comes to this topic. She is so inclusive in everything she does. It never occurs to her that someone or something different should be treated differently. For example, on the play ground, or yesterday in the pool, Jessie immediately declares any child that can walk her friend. (The non walkers are "itty bitty babies" and deserve hugs and squeals of delight but are not quite friends.) Now any of the declared friends can totally ignore Jessie, and some of the older kids often do, but this does not matter to Jessie. She always tells everyone what she is doing, "I building a sand castle here." or "I moving this chair here." and invites them to play along. "Want to play with me? This is going to be fun!"Sometimes no one joins her and she does what ever she set out to do alone and then when she decides it is time for something else the invitations go out again. "I playing train now, choo choo! You want to be a train too?" Sometimes it looks like she is wearing the other kids down and finally they relent and play, often at the urging of their parents. "That little girl wants to play with you."
Yesterday there was a little boy who clearly spoke no English and was constantly confused, and possibly a little scared of Jessie constantly approaching him with her invitations. It took 6 or 7 attempts but he finally joined Jessie with a game of pulling lounge chairs in the water. Then the little boy played happily with Jessie until it was time to go. If I put myself in the same situation, I would probably make one or MAYBE two attempts at striking up a conversation but I would never keep going with the voracity Jessie displays. It never occurs to her that a kid who speaks a different language should not be invited.
Last week Jessie was "counting money" which consisted of eleven or twelve round wooden disks and one real quarter. As I looked at her game I immediately wanted to remove the "real quarter" from her game because it didn't match the other pretend coins she was using. The wood pieces are bigger and the quarter looked small and frankly it kind of bugged me. Jessie counted and stacked these coins, playing a variety of games and all the while this real quarter was part of the group. It was never more or less important then the other pieces even though it looked so different. I really had to keep myself from influencing her.
Last night as we were walking back to our hotel room Jessie decided to pick up leaves. She wanted mommy and daddy to have one too and proceeded to pick up three of the ugliest, crinkled up leaves for us to share. There were beautiful specimens available but this was of no consequence to Jessie. What was important was that everyone had a leaf. Leaves no matter their shape or condition are equal to Jessie. Once again I had to fight my personal preference for the pretty one, the big one or the smooth one and I tried not to compare my leaf to another on the ground or in daddy's hand. Mine was dried out and a large piece of it was actually missing. I would never give this leaf the time of day if I were choosing.
I then thought about how I interact with people. I definitely make judgments based on how people look. He is awfully scruffy, that girl looks like a snob (how snobby of me to think so!lol), that couple looks like they are having a terrible time, that store clerk looks approachable, etc... Jessie never makes these type of distinctions and while I suppose they have their place when evaluating if someone looks dangerous, what might be possible if I suspended judgement until AFTER I actually spoke and or interacted with someone? What if I viewed all people as equally as Jessie views leaves?
Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ˜Let me take the speck out of your eye, and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
HUMILITY - The quality or condition of being humble; imitate Jesus and Socrates.
This appears to be quite a lofty virtue. For those of you who have been following my project since the beginning you know that I kept humility from Ben Franklin's virtue list. I was inspired by his addition of the virtue to his list.
From Ben Franklin's autobiography: "My list of virtues contain'd at first but twelve; but a Quaker friend having kindly informed me that I was generally thought proud; that my pride show'd itself frequently in conversation; that I was not content with being in the right when discussing any point, but was overbearing, and rather insolent, of which he convinc'd me by mentioning several instances; I determined endeavouring to cure myself, if I could, of this vice or folly among the rest, and I added Humility to my list, giving an extensive meaning to the word. "
This total lack of pretension and grace afforded by modeling one's behavior on Jesus and Socrates is entirely blissful so HUMILITY made my list.
This week's "Bliss Initiatives" are color coded in purple for quick identification. They are specific things that you too can try, if you want to play along with me. However, because as Earl Nightingale says, "you become what you think about," even if you only follow along, and never take on any of the bliss initiatives, I expect some positive results. I will be exploring and encouraging HUMILITY this way:
Study Humility - I will take my usual trip around the ether and see what inspiring things I can find about humility and I'll share what I find here. If you are playing along take your own tour and please share your insights on the Everyday Bliss Facebook page or on the blog in the comments.
Practice being humble -I will do my best to stop comparing myself to other people. I will be courteous and respectful in all my interactions with other people.
Loosen expectations - From Be Inspired EverydayNo matter how good you are at making plans or predicting outcomes, no matter how strong your belief is that something should be a certain way, life will often produce results you did not expect or did not want. When we hold tight to expectations, we become easily frustrated, disappointed, angry and humiliated. When we take ourselves and our expectations less seriously, we can more easily handle what life hands us and move out of God’s way as we are guided on our unique life journey. I know I have a tendency to expect things to proceed exactly the way I have planned and particularly since I am on vacation I will do my best to release this often frustrating habit.
"In reality there is perhaps not one of our natural passions so hard to subdue as pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself...For even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility." - Benjamin Franklin
Moxie week came to a whimpering close for me. I was not nearly as bold as I intended and it just became easy to let Rob be in charge and do everything related to our travel arrangements. I am in vacation mode and have been letting things happen rather then doing anything particularly daring. And I suppose that is ok! Jessie actually slept on the plane so I got to enjoy a movie during the flight and we have slipped into a relaxing resort and beach induced revelry... exactly what vacation should be!
So bottom line... Moxie week scores a 4 this time out. I think I'm poised for a break through though... next time should be interesting!
I am scheduling this post to come out while I am on vacation in Hawaii. I intend to be bold while on vacation. I will ask for better seats on the plane, an upgrade to our room at the hotel and other uncharacteristic moves on my part. I will update you on my success (thinking positively!) sometime next week. I think BEING BOLD is an important part of moxie and I hope you find these insights as useful as I have. Enjoy!
"Begin, be bold and venture to be wise."
-Horace
If you're shy, hesitant, or passive, you run the risk of leading a boring life marked by routine and unfulfilled goals. Most progress has been led by people who were bold--scientists, public servants, artists, entrepreneurs, and others who didn't wait for opportunities; they created opportunities. So if you want to be bold and unstoppable, here are some ways to kick start your momentum.
Steps
Pretend you're already bold. If you were to switch places with somebody who is as bold as bold can be, what would they do in your shoes? If you already know someone who's bold, imagine how they'd act. If you don't know anyone like that, think of a character from a movie or book who's daring and brave. Spend one hour a day or one day a week pretending to be them. When you do this, go somewhere that people don't know you and won't act surprised when you do things that are out of character. Go through the motions and see what happens--you might discover that amazing things happen when you're bold, and you might be convinced to carry this bold behavior into your everyday life.
Make the first move. Whenever you're feeling hesitant--especially in your interactions with others--swallow your pride and make the first move. Ask your acquaintance if they'd like to go to the bar down the street for drinks after work. Tell the person you fancy that you've got two tickets to a concert and you'd like them to come with you. Give your significant other a big hug and apologize for that time you overreacted a few months ago. Smile and wink at the attractive cashier.
Do something unpredictable. What could you do that would completely surprise the people who know you? Wear high heels? Skydive? Take a dance class? Bold people aren't afraid of trying new things, and one of the reasons they're so exciting to be around is that they keep you guessing. You can start small, perhaps by wearing a color or style of clothing that you don't normally wear, or visiting a place you normally wouldn't visit. Eventually, you may get to the point where you entertain ideas that make other people's eyes widen when you mention them ("Are you serious? White water rafting?" or "You're kidding me. You want to buy that restaurant on 3rd Street?").
Ask for what you want. Rather than wait to be recognized for your efforts, or expect someone to consider your needs, step right up to the plate and ask. Some people feel that asking for things is greedy, selfish, and rude--and it is, if you're asking for something you don't deserve. But if someone is withholding something that you've rightfully earned, they're the ones being greedy, selfish, and rude. Besides, what's the worst that could happen? They say no. Life goes on.
Ask for that promotion or pay raise you've been waiting (and working) for.
Ask for a discount. A little haggling can go a long way. The phrase "What can you do for me?" is an easy and powerful way to save money.
Ask to have your credit card's annual fee waived.
Ask a relative, friend, or even a complete stranger for help or advice.
Ask for clarification if you're not sure what is expected of you.
Take risks. There's a difference between being reckless and accepting risks. Reckless people don't accept risks...they don't even think about them. A bold person, on the other hand, is well aware of the risks, and has decided to go through with the decision anyway, ready and willing to accept the consequences if things don't work out. Think of an athlete who takes risks every day. Are they reckless? No. It's a measured risk. You might make a mistake; we all do. But inaction can be a mistake as well, one that leads to emptiness and regret. For many people, having taken risks and fallen flat on their faces was far more fulfilling than having done nothing at all.
Rediscover who you are. Ultimately, boldness has to do with coming from your center, what you believe. It is not about what you do, it is about who you are. If you do not know who you are, you can never be truly bold. Start really appreciating your uniqueness. Discover what makes you different and then parade it around for all to see. Put flags on it, call attention to it and love yourself for it no matter what others think. That is the heart of boldness.
Always tell the truth. Not in a rude way, but always be honest. Showing your opinions will make you seen as a bold, outspoken person.
Tips
Don't confuse being bold with being aggressive. Aggressiveness often involves imposing your viewpoints or actions on others. Boldness has nothing to do with the people around you; it's about overcoming your fears and taking action.
Don't worry about rejection. Try to make your invitations to others occur as "without consequence," i.e., the opposite of an invitation from your mother to dinner. Conversely, when your invitation is declined, boldly accept it and leave the other person/people feeling okay with their choice.
While there's power in taking on something new, there's also a greater chance of failure because of your lack of experience. Embrace the failure; it's not the opposite of success, it's a necessary component. The opposite of success is sitting still.
Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Be Bold. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.
I am delighted to have Christine Kane guest blog for me on the topic of courage. I ran into Christine's website on numerous occasions since starting my blog and have read inspiring posts that I am certain have contributed to several of my posts. I have found Christine's advice to be very sound and exceptionally fun to read, two things I find important in a muse. In addition to her fun and creative blog Christine is a renowned song writer and singer. Her new CD Wide Awake is available here on her site. Her tag line reads: Be Creative. Be Conscious. Be Courageous. I don't think anything more needs to be said. Please enjoy.
“Excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.” – Aristotle
Courage is like a muscle. Just as you wouldn’t go into the gym for your first time and lift a 100-pound dumbbell – you don’t have to begin building courage by running for President. (Though, lots of people would probably vote for you at this point.)
People often think that courage has to be big. Like sky-diving. Or giving a speech to a thousand people.
Those things do require courage, yes. But in some ways, that’s baby courage. It’s obvious courage. I call it Bungee-Jumping Courage. Bungee-Jumping Courage is convenient because it lets us define ourselves as “not courageous.” When you set your stake that high, then you never have to approach it. You simply get to say, “Hmm, I must not have courage.”
I’m not letting you get off that easy.
Why?
Because there’s a deeper level of courage. It makes you stronger with each move you make. It makes you fall in love with yourself. It makes you fall in love with your life.
That’s because, at its core, courage is about strengthening your relationship with yourself.
In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” I encourage you to do many things you think you cannot do!
Here are 66 ways – little and big – to build your courage. Some of them seem completely foolish. But they’re not. They’re just uncomfortable. And that’s the whole point!
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1 – Paint your nails green and leave them that way for a week. If you’re a guy, you get extra credit for this one.
2 – Look at your life as an experiment. This takes the ego out of new things you try.
3 – If you’re always spontaneous, plan something in advance and stick with it. If you’re a meticulous planner, do something spontaneous.
4 – Quit your job. [1]
5 – Start a blog.
6 – Sign up for a Retreat[2].
7 – Take a painting class.
8 – Learn a new language.
9 – Join Toastmasters.
10 – Begin yoga.
11 – Do something ridiculously tourist-y in your own town.
12 – Get up in the morning after having a bad day yesterday. Encourage yourself to begin again.
13 – Give money away.
14 – Invite your friends over for dinner and don’t use silverware.
15 – Look into people’s eyes when you’re in public – on the street, buying groceries, etc.
16 – Hire someone to do a regular task you can’t stand doing. (i.e., mowing the lawn.) Use that time to write or draw.
17 – Play music more. Watch TV less.
18 – Get rid of everything in your home[3] that’s not an Absolute Yes. Everything!
19 – Put on a goofy smile and look at other drivers when you stop at lights.
20 – Write a novel in a month[4].
21 – Think of one thing you’d love to ask one of your heroes, and then call her office – and ask her the question. (The goal is not necessarily to get through – but to let go of the fear of not getting through!)
22 – Ask for what you want – rather than complaining about not getting it.
23 – Go bowling.
24 – If you never host parties or dinners – invite friends over once a month for dinner.
25 – Teach a workshop on something you know how to do.
26 – Start a mastermind group with at least two other people.
27 – Learn to invest your money.
28 – Decide that your desire to be happy is an adequate reason to say no to requests of your time. (I knew someone who had cancer who said, “The best part about cancer is that now I get to say no to things and have a great excuse.” Don’t wait until you have this kind of “excuse.”)
29 – Be bad at something. Do it anyway.
30 – Make requests. Don’t complain.[5]
31 – Join a writer’s group.
32 – Hire a life coach.
33 – In a social situation, sit in one place and allow people to come talk with you instead of running around the room “networking.”
34 – Worry less. Act more.
35 – Take a last-minute trip overseas.
36 – Enter a writing contest.
37 – Start your own business.
38 – Ask someone out on a date.
39 – Start a podcast.
40 – Sign up for my January Great Big Dreams e-Seminar. (Email christine@christinekane.com for details.)
41 – Make a business card for yourself.
42 – Eat at an ethnic restaurant you never considered before.
43 – Respond. Don’t react.
44 – Get some music from another culture. Sit down and listen. Really listen.
45 – Listen more. Talk less. Especially to your kids. (Remember that listening doesn’t mean waiting to say your piece.)
46 – Take a swing dance class.
47 – Hire a physical trainer.
48 – Start a book club.
49 – Test-drive a luxury car. Act as if you could buy it if you wanted it.
50 – End a relationship that drains you or hurts you. You deserve to be happy.
51 – Start a prayer list – and pray every morning.
52 – Go to a nursing home and visit people who need company.
53 – Quit smoking.
54 – Take different routes to work each day.
55 – Get lost on purpose. (When I first moved to my town, this is how I learned my way around. On Sundays, I’d drive into the downtown area and give myself an hour to get lost and then found again.)
56 – Wake up at 5am and write.
57 – Assumptions are the enemy of success. Question them often.
58 – Excuses are the enemy of action[6]. Stop making them.
59 – Admit when you are wrong.
60 – Write a fan letter to someone who’s not famous – a teacher, a grocery store clerk – anyone who delights you or touches you.
61 – Pick one incomplete in your life (cluttered attic, article you want to write, craft you want to begin) and do it for 15 minutes a day. It’s more courageous to do something for a small chunk of time and do it again the very next day – than it is to sit back and say it can’t be done because you don’t have enough time.
62 – Participate in an open-mic night.
63 – Join a spiritual circle – a church, a center, a class. Don’t worry if it’s the “right” one – just try it out.
64 – Go vegan[7].
65 – Pay the toll of the person behind you. (Or for their coffee![8])
66 – Run for President.
Next Post: How to be BOLD -- an Everyday Bliss Guest Post by Wiki How
Image found at: zebulonms.wcpss.net/ and may be subject to copyright. Now that cat has Moxie!!
Everyday courage has few witnesses. But yours is no less noble because no drum beats for you and no crowds shout your name.
--Robert Louis Stevenson
This will be my last "live, as it happens" post for Moxie. We are getting on our plane tomorrow and I will be out of the cyber-loop until sometime next week. Rob is attending a conference so we will be having a little work time during this trip and I will be back "live" for some of Humility week. Pretty great to have Hawaii as my backdrop for the next couple of weeks huh?!! I certainly feel fortunate.
I have been in touch with several folks who I am hopeful will be guest bloggers but I haven't heard back from everyone. I had my initial spike of adrenalin when I decided to reach out and Moxie was definitely present as I asked for what I wanted. Now that my notes are done, and I am in a waiting game of sorts it is time to turn to other acts of courage.
When I once again think back to my Moxie filled youth (laughing.. that sure makes me sound old!) I realize that it was more about a full time attitude and not just individual acts of boldness. I had a Moxie swagger. A moxie swagger gave me courage in uncomfortable social situations, allowed me ease at making sales cold calls and had me generally up for adventure at every turn. My friend Jaye commented that my new "safe mode" is likely attributable to my role as Jessie's protector and I think that may be right. I believe what I may be looking for is a new type of Moxie swagger. One that will have me create fun adventures for Jessie and also keep me interested while keeping her safe.
Jessie, Rob and I will have five and a half hours on a plane, plus some airport time together to help figure it out. If moxie can help make this much travel with a two and a half year old work well I might have to figure out a way to package it for all parents!
Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you are scared to death.
Yesterday Jessie had a friend over for a full afternoon play date, so I never had the chance to leave the house, which gave me little chance for my Live with Moxie initiative. I did ask myself, "So what unexpected and brave thing should I try today?"
One of our new neighbors has been parking a large flatbed trailer in front of our house since last week and it is starting to bug us. Vehicles are not supposed to be parked on our street for more then 48 hours, since said trailer is now hitting the 72 hour mark we would not be out of line to do something. The completely brave and forthright thing to do would be to go ahead and knock on their door and ask them what is going on with the trailer. If it is a one time or occasional thing we don't want to make a big deal about it. We just don't want it to be a fixture in our front yard. So far neither Rob or I have been willing to be this straight forward.
I am entirely amused at the conversations we are having.
"Maybe we should leave a note that says please move the trailer."
"Maybe the note should say move the trailer or we will report it and cite the 48 hour parking rule."
"Maybe we should just call and report it if it doesn't move by tomorrow" -- then when tomorrow comes, "by tomorrow" again -- and now it is standing at "let's see if it is still there when we get back from vacation."
We joke that we could post a Craig's list ad that says "Free Trailer" and just sit back and watch what happens. Of course we are way too nice for that. Heck we aren't even brave enough to talk to them!
Actually we are hoping it is a one time thing and have decided not to do anything unless it becomes a recurring problem, after we get back from vacation. (Of course now that I shared all of this and have worked up a little courage and if I happen to be outside when one of them comes out of their house I just might talk to them!)
So likely, trailer bravery is out.
What else could I try? Aha! I know. When I reached out to Earl Henslin, who's book "This is Your Brain on Joy" was one of my references for my JOY week, and he actually responded to me, I was delighted. I even called the post where I related the bliss I felt A Hint of Moxie. Getting in touch with Dr. Henslin supercharged me that week. I reached out to other people who's work I admired and found that each time I did so I felt braver about it. Just doing something seems to feed bravery. It isn't a glitsy tip and it might be hard to do but if you want to find courage, be bold and do something!
I really have to thank Dr. Henslin for responding because if he hadn't I don't know if I would have kept on reaching out. As I mentioned in the A Hint of Moxie post, I made up that someone who wrote a book would likely have more important things to do then to write to me so when he, my personal Joy celebrity, did I was overjoyed! Well, this week I am working on all of my December topics and looking for people to guest post, hopefully to fill in some gaps while I am on vacation, and I have decided to be BOLD and BRAVE about asking people I admire to contribute something. I am even feeling brave enough to even accept rejection and to keep on going. Normally I would just provide a link to the things I think you might enjoy but this week I am asking for more!
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that
I've been looking forward to Moxie week. When I first decided that Moxie was going to be one of my virtues I distinguished that many of my favorite memories included quite a bit of Moxie. While in high school I decided my family should host an exchange student for a year. I was planning to go myself at some point (AFS Austria 81/82) so it seemed only fair. The only stumbling block, no one else in my family thought it was a good idea. I just ignored this fact and signed us up for a family interview, completed an application and got my Dad on board to possibly do it temporarily if a real host family couldn't be found for the nice girl from New Zealand. By the time my family convinced the people that interviewed us that we "could be" a suitable host family in a pinch I knew that Romola had her permanent home for the year. We just couldn't send her application back...
When I was in my twenties I had a job I did not enjoy in an industry (teleconferencing) I thought was fun so I just started calling around the country from the desk of the job I did not like and offered my services. Within two weeks I was moving to the Kansas City area to work at American Teleconferencing Services. To this day, I remember making the first phone call to talk to "someone interested in hiring a teleconferencing sales person." It was pretty gutsy considering I did it seated at my old desk and within earshot of my old boss. I'm also pretty sure my Moxie was one of the things that contributed to my getting hired.
When I was not in a longer term relationship my dating style was filled with Moxie. I embraced internet dating long before it became mainstream and dated people from all walks of life. I participated in all sorts of singles events, joined dating services, even had a profile posted in a singles magazine and responded to want ads. When friends said it was hard to meet someone I would meanwhile keep my calendar filled and always had fun doing it. Dating was a game and I was very spunky and brave about the whole thing.
Since getting married and falling into my beloved mommy job I haven't created many opportunities for moxie. I let Rob handle any sticky situations and generally don't stick my neck out very far in social or business situations. Bravery like many skills needs to be used or one starts to lose it. When in my twenties I wouldn't think twice about speaking up or trying something daring but I can definitely tell I am less willing to do so now. This week will be about shaking things up.
This week's "Bliss Initiatives" are color coded in purple for quick identification. They are specific things that you too can try, if you want to play along with me. I will be exploring and encouraging MOXIE this way:
Live with Moxie - Each day I will do something unexpected and brave. For example, I will go out of my way to meet a neighbor, strike up a conversation with a stranger, offer my opinion on the website of someone I respect, rather then just reading and watching. I will ask if there is a way I can get a better deal when I am shopping instead of unconsciously paying full price. In short I will step outside of my comfort zone, I will create opportunities to be brave and speak up instead of quietly going about my business.
Study Moxie - I will research people who have displayed Moxie and I will read the book "Women of Courage: Inspiring Stories from the Women Who Lived Them" by Katherine Martin. I will find inspiring quotes about courage and daring and share them here and with people in my life to inspire us to be more daring!
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
1. TEMPERANCE - Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
2. SILENCE - Speak not what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
3. ORDER - Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
4. RESOLUTION - Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
5. FRUGALITY - Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e. waste nothing.
6. INDUSTRY - Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
7. SINCERITY - Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and if you speak, speak accordingly.
8. JUSTICE - Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
9. MODERATION - Avoid extreams; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
10. CLEANLINESS - Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths or habitation.
11. TRANQUILITY - Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
12. CHASTITY - Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or to the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
